Sounds familiar?
For most of us - no matter how much we rebel against their strictures - our parents are, quite literally and figuratively, the walls behind our backs. They are people who stand up for us, support us in every conceivable way and never lose faith in us. And we can’t ever imagine them not playing that role in our lives.
But then, as the years roll by, we see a gradual but steady reversal of roles. The parents seem to depend on us more and more, they begin to take our opinions and verdicts seriously, seem a little more infirm every day. And all at once we realise that yes, we have grown up, but our parents have also become old.
It’s an unnerving feeling, one doesn’t quite know how to come to terms with it - especially if a parent (or an equivalent elderly family member) starts behaving uncharacteristically. Some people become irritable and even distrustful of their caring children, some might become totally withdrawn from life.
So as caregivers who really care, how do we deal with the second childhood of a parent? We spoke to experts to find out:
From cognitive degeneration and loneliness to depression and confronting one’s own mortality - according to psychiatrists, there are many reasons behind the apparent change in an elderly person’s personality.
Mumbai-based consultant psychiatrist and psychotherapist Dr Sagar Mundada recommends that children reserve a little time every day exclusively for their old parent.
Loss of dignity and self-worth is one of the inevitable characteristics of old age, and it’s supremely important to guard your parent from it as far as possible, feels Pune-based psychotherapist Debasmita Sinha.
But above all, what a caregiver needs is patience. “Even if it means listening to the same stories over and over again. This is not the same person you remember as your parent while growing up. But they need to be helped, guided, reasoned with again and again, and given instructions repeatedly without injuring their pride and dignity,” says Sinha.
If a parent is single, Dr Mundada encourages the idea of finding companionship for them.
Sometimes however, there might be a case of “personality pathology”, says Dr Anuradha Sovani, professor & head, Department of Psychology, SNDT Women’s University, Mumbai. For instance, people who were rigid sticklers of routine would become more so with age, or someone who had an exaggerated sense of self-importance to begin with, would hate being sidelined and not listened to any more.
It’s also very important to make space for yourself in the care-giving routine.
After all, we owe it to our parents.
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Sounds familiar?
For most of us - no matter how much we rebel against their strictures - our parents are, quite literally and figuratively, the walls behind our backs. They are people who stand up for us, support us in every conceivable way and never lose faith in us. And we can’t ever imagine them not playing that role in our lives.
But then, as the years roll by, we see a gradual but steady reversal of roles. The parents seem to depend on us more and more, they begin to take our opinions and verdicts seriously, seem a little more infirm every day. And all at once we realise that yes, we have grown up, but our parents have also become old.
It’s an unnerving feeling, one doesn’t quite know how to come to terms with it - especially if a parent (or an equivalent elderly family member) starts behaving uncharacteristically. Some people become irritable and even distrustful of their caring children, some might become totally withdrawn from life.
So as caregivers who really care, how do we deal with the second childhood of a parent? We spoke to experts to find out:
From cognitive degeneration and loneliness to depression and confronting one’s own mortality - according to psychiatrists, there are many reasons behind the apparent change in an elderly person’s personality.
Mumbai-based consultant psychiatrist and psychotherapist Dr Sagar Mundada recommends that children reserve a little time every day exclusively for their old parent.
Loss of dignity and self-worth is one of the inevitable characteristics of old age, and it’s supremely important to guard your parent from it as far as possible, feels Pune-based psychotherapist Debasmita Sinha.
But above all, what a caregiver needs is patience. “Even if it means listening to the same stories over and over again. This is not the same person you remember as your parent while growing up. But they need to be helped, guided, reasoned with again and again, and given instructions repeatedly without injuring their pride and dignity,” says Sinha.
If a parent is single, Dr Mundada encourages the idea of finding companionship for them.
Sometimes however, there might be a case of “personality pathology”, says Dr Anuradha Sovani, professor & head, Department of Psychology, SNDT Women’s University, Mumbai. For instance, people who were rigid sticklers of routine would become more so with age, or someone who had an exaggerated sense of self-importance to begin with, would hate being sidelined and not listened to any more.
It’s also very important to make space for yourself in the care-giving routine.
After all, we owe it to our parents.
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