QSatire: Here’s Why Rajinikanth Would Make a Better James Bond
If Rajinikanth had to do a James Bond, how different would it be?
“Bond, James Bond!” is perhaps one of the most enigmatic things spoken in the world of cinema. The sentence brings to mind the image of a refined, well-polished gentleman, who knows how to handle his women and drinks, and also save the day.
Now sample this. ‘Yenna Rascalla! Rajini, Rajinikanth. Mind it!’ (Whistle podu)
Get the drift?
The Quint tells you how James Bond films would look if they featured Rajini Sir as 007.
What’s Your Poison?
James Bond – women want him and men want to be him. But if there is one thing you don’t want, that has to be his liver. And who would know that better than Thalaiva himself?
The sanskari Rajinikanth will not shake things up with ‘dirty’ martinis, instead opting for pure and pious juice and curd.
Like Bond, Rajini doesn’t need alcohol to kick some butt, or for some more worldly pleasures. Ahem!
Gandi Baat!
Bond and gagged! Our sanskari censor board chief Pahlaj Nihalani had cut down long kissing scenes in the latest James Bond film Spectre to make it ‘suitable’ for the Indian audience. But with Rajini playing the debonair secret agent, the intimate, steamy scenes would be conveniently replaced with song and dance sequences.
So Pahlaj ji has nothing to worry. Well, maybe he would need to cut a six-minute song into a three-minute one.
Licence to Travel
Change of identity is a cliche way to travel for any secret service agent. Yawn! Imagine the awkwardness if Ethan Hunt and James Bond are caught travelling under the same fictitious name. Silly, right?
Duh! Rajini already knows it. That’s why for him a change in identity is not only on papers but in reel too. Literally! The many faces of Rajini will leave not only M and Q baffled, but the enemy too .
Now, isn’t that a smarter way to travel?
Fight Club
James Bond is great, but what the movies lack are something hatke. The action sequences have begun to look monotonous – same old punches, kicks, blown out of the plane, fighting on top of a train. Sigh.
Bhai! Kuch toh toofani karo!
Enter Rajini. The star who creates his own style. The man who lights up a cigarette in between throwing a few punches here and there. Rajinikanth beats Humphrey Bogart when he swings the cigarette to his mouth. He would thrash four goondas without getting a scratch on himself.
Rajini-giri at its best!
Swag Sada Desi
Sorry James Bond, You’re a disaster! Even your hi-tech boffin Q has failed to make you ignite a matchstick from your eyes. Sheesh!
Now, Rajini Baba would bring in some swag with his killer moves, which would leave any secret service agent in the world in the dust.
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