Justin Bieber, Here’s a List of Things You Should NOT Do in India

Bieber is set to visit India, and we’re making sure he doesn’t make the wrong headlines.

Just no, Justin. No. (Photo Courtesy: Instagram/justinbieber)

Ah, the famous (rather, infamous) Justin Bieber is headed to India for a concert this May. The Baby singer (pun intended) has been in and out of the headlines for a while now. While he started off as a charming singer/performer almost a decade ago, he has gone full-on Brit Spears ever since. He has been to court more times than our very own Salman Bhai. He has paid hundreds of dollars in fine for his stupidity, and has been caught quite a few times with his foot firmly in the mouth.

So, Justin, let me save you a few court cases, money, and a whole lot of embarrassment with a list of things you should NOT do when in India.

1. Pee in mop-buckets

Justin, we assure you that there won’t be a shortage of toilets anywhere you go. You’ll be put up in the choicest of hotels with the most modern and functional amenities. So, don’t repeat your choice of taking a piss in a mopping bucket, thinking that’ll score you ‘swagger’ points. Good peeing etiquette would also involve not peeing on walls where there are pictures of gods and goddess put up, that’s a spiritual crime.

2. Throw eggs on doors or people or houses or at anything for that matter

Now, now, remember the time you were sued for more than $80K for egging and damaging your neighbour’s house? Baby, nobody will want you as their Boyfriend if you keep this nonsense up. So don’t egg anyone, specially the audience, because you never know who is a vegetarian in India.

3. Pose butt-naked

Nope. Please cover up. Specially if any member of the CBFC are around. You don’t want to have a run-in with Pahlaj Nilhani. Google him.

All That Matters is that you do not create an international scandal by posing like an ass.

4. Seek blessings at a memorial for war criminals, or at Kala Ghoda

Oh boy. Listen, India is full of memorials, forts, idols and statues, just like Japan (or any other country whose majority population didn’t begin from Britain’s prisons). Do not stop at each one you see and seek blessings. Please, don’t.

5. Wonder if Mumtaz Mahal was a Belieber

If you are going to visit the Taj Mahal, don’t repeat the same mistake you committed at the Anne Frank house. Let me save you a tweet and let you know that Mumtaz Mahal wasn’t, hopefully, a Belieber.