ADVERTISEMENTREMOVE AD
Members Only
lock close icon

QSatire: Dear Earth-like Planet, You’re Soon Going to be Invaded

Dear Earth-like planet Kepler-452b, be prepared to be used and abused by Indians.

Updated
Social Buzz
3 min read
story-hero-img
i
Aa
Aa
Small
Aa
Medium
Aa
Large
Hindi Female

1,400 light years away, in the Cygnus Constellation, lies an Earth-like planet, Kepler-452b which might harbour life. Planet Earth, this is your time to rejoice.

But dear inhabitants (if you exist) of Kepler-452b, be prepared to be invaded soon by Indians. Just look at Earth and you’ll know why we’re warning you so well in advance.

We at The Quint decided to give you guys a heads-up on the first lot of Indians who are likely to move base to your oh-so-green-beautiful planet. Enjoy all the serenity till it lasts!

ADVERTISEMENTREMOVE AD

Rahul Gandhi – Into The Wild

Dear Earth-like planet Kepler-452b, be prepared to be used and abused by Indians.

Like any other bachelor, Rahul Baba too has started looking at possible destinations to celebrate New Year’s Eve. And what better place, private and peaceful, away from media glare, than Kepler-452b? Unfortunately, RaGa is still trying to figure out flight options. Once he sorts that out, he’s good to go. 

0

Arvind Kejriwal – AAP Ka Hukum Sar Ankhon Pe

Dear Earth-like planet Kepler-452b, be prepared to be used and abused by Indians.

Poor Mr Arvind Kejriwal has been finding it difficult to work efficiently, thanks to our prime minister. Clearly, this is not the place for him. The common man’s chief minister is now considering shifting operations to Kepler-452b, and do good for the common Keplerian. All the best folks!

ADVERTISEMENTREMOVE AD

Lalit Modi – Merchant of Dreams

Dear Earth-like planet Kepler-452b, be prepared to be used and abused by Indians.

For an exiled former Chairman and Commissioner of the Indian Premier League, Lalit Modi life’s good. Not only are Chennai Super Kings and Rajasthan Royals suspended for two years, but also there now exists an Earth-like planet.

Who needs Sushma Swaraj for a visa now? He’ll head to Kepler-452b and rebuilt his lost dream with the Kepler Premier League. He might just name it LMAO (Lalit Modi Always Overpays).

ADVERTISEMENTREMOVE AD

Giriraj Singh – Temple Run

Dear Earth-like planet Kepler-452b, be prepared to be used and abused by Indians.

On Earth, Giriraj Singh had a small dream. A dream to built a Ram Mandir. But alas, his dream didn’t quite materialise. Why? Because apparently there aren’t enough Ram bhakts. So Singh has decided to head to Kepler-452b to inspire an entire population of Ram bhakts.

ADVERTISEMENTREMOVE AD

LK Advani – Chalo Dildar Chalo Chand Ke Par Chalo

Dear Earth-like planet Kepler-452b, be prepared to be used and abused by Indians.

When it comes to political relevance, LK Advani has not been performing too well in the recent past. But he is all determined to get his rath yatra mojo back. The pioneer of rath yatras, Advani will soon launch another one at Kepler-452b. Dear Keplerians, gear up for some chariot fun.

ADVERTISEMENTREMOVE AD

Robert Vadra – No Man’s Land

Dear Earth-like planet Kepler-452b, be prepared to be used and abused by Indians.

Now, why would Robert Vadra leave this planet and go to Kepler-452b? What does Kepler-452b has that Earth doesn’t

Land, duh!

ADVERTISEMENTREMOVE AD

The next time you wish for dharti ka bojh (the world’s burden) to reduce, do consider that it would have gone down quite a bit with all these departures!

(At The Quint, we are answerable only to our audience. Play an active role in shaping our journalism by becoming a member. Because the truth is worth it.)

Read Latest News and Breaking News at The Quint, browse for more from neon and social-buzz

Published: 
Speaking truth to power requires allies like you.
Become a Member
3 months
12 months
12 months
Check Member Benefits
Read More
×
×