Everyone knows Playboy, the magazine. Its ‘laid bare’ stimulating content. But in the redesign Playboy has planned, the nudes are out. Now, with no woman splayed across the centrefold, I don’t know if the magazine is any good, any more.
Its strong glossy paper could be used as a serving plate by street side chaat vendors, but it might still be awkward to have your chaat-paapdi poised on a barely clad lady’s privates. Especially when you decide to polish off the last of the chutney.
Which brings us to the question, what is Playboy planning to do with its pages? We have a few ideas.
1. Flip Book
So the nudes are gone because they can’t compete with the real life and virtual porn out there. But all is not lost. A flip book is close to the real thing. As you flip the pages, the model gradually loses her clothes. A complete tease, till she is all but naked. This should keep subscribers happy and help Playboy win the pillow fight with the internet. Isn’t that how they solve problems in the Playboy Mansion?
2. Education
They may not be showing off their assets any more, but Playmates can still be an asset to society. Studying the female form. Could be a bit explicit for kids, but I’m sure most dads would love to be around for ‘parental guidance’. Playboy Bunnys would be ideal to give our kids unrealistic expectations about their own bodies and their girlfriends’, right? Besides, we don’t want them growing up to be respectful of women and not objectifying them. What kind of society would that be?
3. Signage
We are a society of road hooligans. We jump signals, ignore signage, break all rules. Since the new Playboy pages will have more modestly clad women, we could use these pages to hold up road signage. People will slow down and read. Hey, if this goes too against our culture, putting a bindi on the Playmate.
4. Play Games
It may be a wild guess, but I’m guessing most men don’t buy Playboy to read the articles. I mean the doors are locked, the tissues are out for a reason. Because these people are looking for stimulation, I say that’s what Playboy should still give them. How? Give them puzzles, sudoku, crosswords. Don’t know what they would now do with the tissues though.
5. List it Out
Many readers will resent Playboy’s makeover. There will be rising anger as they turn the pages. As a responsible magazine that promotes a healthy sexual appetite, Playboy will have to hand-hold readers through the transition. Both, youngsters and older men (for whom ‘no nudes’ will be akin to a massive mid-life crisis) will need help.
Playboy could try listicles to ease the trauma. ‘5 Ways of Dealing With Disappointment’, ‘15 Ways of Recovering After Being Cheated Out of Bliss’, ‘7 Ways of Relating to Pictures of Clothed Women’. The men will make their peace some day. I hope.
(Mansi Shah is founder of the blog Damsel in Destress which reviews experiences as varied as spas, books and plays. Mansi is, by her own admission, “clueless” at 30 with an easy penchant for humour.)
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