Sab Chalta Hai Attitude
At least ten people have asked me if I have more children. Older children. The first couple of times I felt put right off by the question. I mean yes, my clothes look tired, my bra saggy, hair frizzy, face sans makeup, but surely I don’t look that old and jaded. But they’d quickly (too quickly?) explain that they wondered because I was pretty relaxed for a first-time mother. Ha! That’s a compliment I’d take any day. And the next few times it happened, I’d smile as I said no and then smugly wait for them to tell me what a cool, chilled out mummy I was. Till now. It’s time for me to haul myself back to work and arrange day care for the boy and I’m being the opposite of relaxed about it.
One Year On, No Casualties
Really, I should be rejoicing. I have a nearly 1-year old who I’ve managed to keep alive and well. As readers of this blog well know there have been times when I’d have happily given him away. For free. For nothing in return. But I didn’t. We both survived each other dammit and I still love him to bits, still think the sun shines out of his little arse. And I managed to not kill Darling Husband either – that’s no mean feat, believe me. I mean if this ain’t success, I don’t know what is. Now it’s the home-stretch… the last few weeks before I get some semblance of my old life back. So, you can imagine how astonished, perplexed and downright confounded my husband is that I’m the one doing the worrying and he’s doing the “it’ll be ok, children adapt” spiel.
Velcro Mama
We’re opting for a combination of nursery and nanny and I have the same issues: If I, his own lovely, insanely amazing (why not!) mother can get frustrated with him sometimes, why wouldn’t a stranger, who I have to pay to look after Leo do the same? And it’s the little things that keep me worried: Will they check if his feet are warm? Will they pull up his socks when he’s tripping on them? Will they wipe his nose gently? Will they offer him water every 20-30 minutes? Will they leave his dirty nappy on for a few extra minutes while they finish something else or just be on their phone? Will they be too lazy to take him out in the garden? Will they sometimes ignore him in favour of a more disruptive child? How will they comfort him when he doesn’t stop crying? Will he fall asleep because he gets tired crying for his mama? Will they tell me the truth or sugar coat it all?
Pain-in-Arse Parent
Now I also know what makes parents a pain-in-the-arse for carers and teachers. I know I’ll be a major one, giving my nursery and nanny very precise instructions, asking endless questions, perhaps even bribing them with chocolates and cupcakes to take good care of my boy. I know I’m making it harder for myself. I know he’ll just have to toughen up a bit and get into a routine. I know the carers will never knowingly cause him harm. And yet. My little boy has to do some growing up soon and I’m far from ready for it.
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